So, here it is May 21st, and you’re still on
Earth reading Player Affinity while the righteous have all been taken to Heaven
in The Rapture. Well, your
lifetime of virtual misdeeds while playing murder simulators is obviously the
reason why God hates you. Read on
to find out which games you should never have played because they endangered your
soul.
1: Bioshock- This game is also on our list of games that will get you into
Heaven. If you played it on my
advice, hoping it would keep in the grace of The Lord, then I apologize for
damning your immortal soul with this atheist propaganda game. It seemed like a good idea at the time,
but I forgot about that big speech Andrew Ryan has where he mocks religion, and
that whole thing at the beginning about how the Pope is trying to take your
hard-earned money. Plus there was
that whole part about killing those little girls. Yeah, probably should have left this one off the other list.
Again, I’m sorry if I got you sent to Hell.
2: Fallout 3 and
Fallout New Vegas- These games
award you Good Karma for doing nice things, and Bad Karma for doing Evil. Let’s be honest; evil is the way to go
in this franchise, and everyone reading this probably fired a few nukes into
the middle of a town just for fun.
Well, all of that Bad Karma has caught up to us, and here we
are playing with our video games while the people who befriended the virtual
townsfolk of New Vegas and Megaton are up in Heaven, probably playing the new
Elder Scrolls game already. Lucky
bastards.
At least we can console ourselves with the new DLC that just
came out for New Vegas.
3: Grand Theft Auto- Of course,
the most likely reason that you’re stuck here while everyone else is in Heaven
is Grand Theft Auto. Admit it, you
enjoyed carjacking old ladies, and clubbed hookers to death with a baseball
bat, and even killed a cop at the start of every game just because you wanted
his gun, didn’t you? Well, now
you’re paying for that. Sure, that
game wouldn’t be any fun if you never stole, and followed all of the traffic
laws, but your immortal soul doesn’t have a reset button!
You should have listened to Jack Thompson, who is no doubt
up in Paradise with Kirk Cameron having a big laugh at your misfortune.