When my partner Kevin and I are pronounced husband and wife this September, we will walk back down the aisle to the Star Wars theme played on bagpipes. While this might sound like an idea my geeky soon-to-be-husband talked me into, it was mine. It is these little celebrations of geek culture that put the spark in our relationship. We share a love of gaming, science fiction, cult television shows, and all things Star Wars. Our relationship is built on having fun together, and that’s the advantage geek relationships have. You haven’t lost touch with your childlike side.
There are plenty of geeky couples out there. Just search YouTube for “geek wedding” and you’ll see. But, what if that’s not you? Maybe you have a significant other but she won’t join your Guitar Hero band, no matter how hard you beg. Or maybe you’re working your joystick solo. You want a woman who not only tolerates your interest in gaming, but shares it.
Chances are, if you are a gamer, you are part of the larger geek culture. Your gaming interest is probably connected with what movies and television shows you like. Possibly you’re into comic books, LARPing, or collecting action figures. That is not to say that you are a stereotype—that you look a certain way or that you suck at sports. But the entertainment industry cross-pollinates our interests for us almost automatically. So if you are in a relationship with a woman who doesn’t know a FPS from a MMO, it may mean you miss out on a lot of other shared interests as well. She doesn’t want to be dragged to Iron Man 2 any more than you want to suffer through Sex in the City 2.
Guys, if you meet a woman who grew up gaming, you are in luck. Even if the last game she played was Super Mario Bros., at least you have a starting point. I first owned an Atari 7800, shared with my brother, and progressed through various consoles over the years. My college boyfriend worked at a software store and used to come over to my apartment with the newest Super Nintendo games, where we would play for hours. I bought my fiancé our PS3 as a gift so it’s technically his, but…
I realize I am not typical. For years, the gaming industry has left a huge potential market, i.e. women, largely untapped. Not long ago I was watching a demonstration of an FPS with a 20-something friend, a self-proclaimed girly-girl. She had never seen like anything it, and I watched her trying to process it. Finally she said, “Oh, it’s like Duck Hunt!”
If the object of your affection isn’t up to speed, cut her some slack. The industry hasn’t historically spoken to her. Introduce her to different kinds of games, not just the ones you like. I am not someone who loves any and all games. I have fallen in love with titles like The Sims and Little Big Planet. In a nutshell, I prefer to make stuff rather than to destroy things. I would venture to say that many other women feel the same way. They maybe completely unaware of games they might like, because gaming conjures only images of car-jackings and blowing up aliens. (Not that blowing up aliens isn’t cool – I just don’t want to do it all day.) If your love interest never played games growing up, there might not be any hope. Have you ever met someone who was never exposed to Star Wars as a child? They don’t get it. Some things can’t be forced on adults.
To sustain a relationship for the long term, shared interests are critical. Gaming doesn’t have to be one of them, but it certainly makes it more fun.
