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My reading of Archie #647, the first and only Archie comic I’ve ever read ever, is one of favorite articles (go read it if you haven’t. Spoiler alert: Archie’s a monster and his world is insane) and it was a blast to write. Because of that, I have always wanted to do another reading, but I found that there was little I was that unfamiliar with.
That is until I discovered IDW, the solicitor of such licensed titles as Transformers and G.I. Joe, was publishing a My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic comic.
I know pretty much nothing about My Little Pony. I know Tara Strong voices one of the… horses (ponies? Are they child horses? Like are there adult horses as parents? I don’t really know.)? I know they have something of an upsetting fan base and that’s about it.
So, spending four dollars on the latest comic I dove, heart and eyes open, into My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic #19.
So right away, I am greeted with two unicorns. Already I have been mislead. Unicorns and ponies are entirely different things, the main difference being one is an actual animal while the other is a mythological beast that totally wasn’t on stickers adorning my trapper keeper if that what you’re thinking.
But I took a look back at the cover and it appears there’s a dragon and a half dozen winged ponies so I guess all bets are off.
Anyway one is a queen and the other is some kind of dark-furred vampire-pony (again, are they full grown or are these all children?)? It’s worth pointing out that she’s being guarded by an Egyptian themed pony, which makes no sense to me. Nothing else is Egyptian and even if they’re going for just a generic spooky vibe, Egyptian guards aren’t really spooky. Mummies though? Now mummies are super spooky.
Ho man, this is a text-packed comic. Lotta talking. Anyway, the vampire pony turns into mist and goes to hunt down who I ASSUME are the heroine ponies. They talk of breaking into a parallel world, which I am guessing is the one from the show, otherwise My Little Pony is a ton more Hammer film goth than I had originally guessed.
We then cut to some ponies in what appears to be Wayne manor talking a whole bunch about things I am entirely unfamiliar with. From the sounds of it, the ruler pony has turned to the dark side and is turning the place into late era Soviet Union levels of ruin.
There’s some exposition from a fashionable boy unicorn the other lady ponies fancy (I could tell because of hearts). Which is new to me. I thought this was a magic land of all lady ponies, but I guess I was dead wrong. There are boy ponies. And they’re xoxohawt. WHICH, by the way, alludes to sexual reproduction, meaning these ponies are children. So WHERE ARE ALL THE HORSES? This is some Ed, Edd, n Eddy shit, you guys.
Anyway, they try to find the differences in the two universes.
I count a reference to Fringe, Bioshock: Infinite, and another one for Doctor Who. I’m starting to see a pattern here. The hidden references. The sly winks. Is this what the Bronies are all about? I’ve gotta say, this is already a lot to work through to get a simple “hahaha, look at this. We get this!” kind of reference.
HOLD ON. This takes place in mirror world. So did the Archie comic I read. What the. What the. That is a chilling coincidence, you guys. I don’t even know how this has happened. Might be… some kind of sign…
Anyway, I kinda zoned out and the boy unicorn and a lady unicorn princess are doing some strange activities with a wizard.
Much to my chagrin, it appears these two unicorns are on some kinda date. Why would you bring a wizard along on a date? Who knows? I’m not a magical creature (yet).
But then, out of nowhere, for a brief, horrific moment I thought they were going to make more ponies.
Mercifully, they just stop at a magical forest straight out of a 90s Disney movie and talk some more (seriously, there’s a lot of talking). However, there’s only thing more magic than friendship and its implied naughty business.
BUT WAIT! In a tragic move befitting a Pixar movie, lady unicorn is forced to back to her home dimension and another wizard tells her she can never go back. In tears she runs away because she never got to say goodbye. This time it appears friendship is tragic.
BUT WAIT! Lady unicorn just uses magic to return to his world anyway because story conflict is for chumps. Is this starting to sound fever dreamy to you? Because it does to me.
Anyway, we cut back to the boy unicorn handing out more exposition to the heroine ponies — wait, was that a flashback? — and we learn that there’s a crystal that the heroine ponies can use to trap the evil queen and her bloodsucking dark-furred sister (weird political commentary?). BUT WAIT! The vampire lady is in the shadows listening, and vows to stop her.
AND THEN THEY FIGHT? No. The boy unicorn armors up for an upcoming battle while talking even more to a purple unicorn named Twilight and the bad unicorns meet up again.
And then that’s it.
Ho man, this can’t be like that show. It’s mostly groan-worthy jokes and tons of talking. How could it garner such a fan base if it’s like this? Maybe I’m just missing something from an earlier issue, but boy did nothing happen. At least Archie had horrible characters and a twisted world.
Also, I did not learn anything about the world of My Little Pony except that there are, strangely enough, very little ponies. It’s mostly mythological beasts and monsters.
Anyway, if you can explain any of the this to me or have any obscure comic suggestions for me to read, leave a comment below!