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A Player Affinity Guide to making a Friend with Benefits

The upcoming Friends with Benefits is just one in a slew of romantic comedies where sex (casual or otherwise) between friends is at the center of its story. They’re all the same story, with the same characters and the same outcome: sex! Here are a few recommendations to have or make a friend with 'benefits'.



You’re not going to get anywhere by just jumping on your friend, unless you want to end up in prison and make a “different” sort of friend with benefits. If they are your true friend, you need to be able to talk to them and listen to their feelings. Have some wit, timing and above all, tact before you dip your toe in the water on the topic of sex and gauge their reaction. If they show a response that doesn't make them dive under the covers (or does it...?) then both of you are free to guide anything into a conversation about sex. And absolutely anything can be spun (hehe) sexually. You can respond in such ways as:

"So what'll you do now?"
"More like who I'll do."

"I'm going for seconds."
"I like your enthusiasm."

"Hey...no hard feelings?"

Skilled conversation can take you from here...

To here! Everyone wins.

Ground Rules

Since the desire to have sex is usually a proposition/accident, let your friend set the ground rules. The more control they feel (overt or otherwise), the better hands you'll be in. Safe rules (but not safe words) include: no cuddling, no gushing, no gifts, no shirts, no meeting parents, no smiling, no cards, no laughing, no debating, no whip cream, no Celine Dion, no political rallies, no ABC holiday specials, no novellas and no Brett Ratner movies. Obviously, this list is tailored to my own tastes just like yours will be--though the Brett Ratner one should be universal. Get these ground rules identified between the two in the early stages of your friendship. If you do become an item, at least you have a better understanding of expectations.

                                                   "Can I at least audition for the next 'Batman' movie?"

Attitude is Key

Do you want to establish a relationship or casual sex?  For casual sex, you have to act very casual, have non- committment energy and be spontaneous. 

"Oh God, he's doing the Elbow. Don't make eye contact."

Flirt Openly With Others

Casual = non-exclusive. Enjoy the company of your friend but don't shy away from your sexual prowess—you are a Golden God/ess! Embrace the attention of strangers and flirt. Date often. Let your 'friend with benefits' see you . At first, your friend will abide by your casual relationship, applaud your conquest and maybe even suggest a conquest jointly. Your friend will cross the emotional border, get jealous and disagree with you. Special note: do not hook up with exes while in a casual relationship. 

Know Your Risks

Use safe sex protection and get tested often. .

Every casual relationship is different. You're going to go into it with your own wants, just remember to have some sort of foundation in place. Set up relationship rules in the beginning. Above all, make sure you have a group of friends you're not having sex with to give you witty input while they secretly want to be you. After all, you're the one getting all the action ... right?


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