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Games That Will Get You Left Behind When The Rapture Comes

So, here it is May 21st, and you’re still on Earth reading Player Affinity while the righteous have all been taken to Heaven in The Rapture.  Well, your lifetime of virtual misdeeds while playing murder simulators is obviously the reason why God hates you.  Read on to find out which games you should never have played because they endangered your soul.

1: Bioshock-  This game is also on our list of games that will get you into Heaven.  If you played it on my advice, hoping it would keep in the grace of The Lord, then I apologize for damning your immortal soul with this atheist propaganda game.  It seemed like a good idea at the time, but I forgot about that big speech Andrew Ryan has where he mocks religion, and that whole thing at the beginning about how the Pope is trying to take your hard-earned money.  Plus there was that whole part about killing those little girls.  Yeah, probably should have left this one off the other list.

Again, I’m sorry if I got you sent to Hell.

2:  Fallout 3 and Fallout New Vegas-  These games award you Good Karma for doing nice things, and Bad Karma for doing Evil.  Let’s be honest; evil is the way to go in this franchise, and everyone reading this probably fired a few nukes into the middle of a town just for fun.

Well, all of that Bad Karma has caught up to us, and here we are playing with our video games while the people who befriended the virtual townsfolk of New Vegas and Megaton are up in Heaven, probably playing the new Elder Scrolls game already.  Lucky bastards.

At least we can console ourselves with the new DLC that just came out for New Vegas.

3:  Grand Theft Auto-  Of course, the most likely reason that you’re stuck here while everyone else is in Heaven is Grand Theft Auto.  Admit it, you enjoyed carjacking old ladies, and clubbed hookers to death with a baseball bat, and even killed a cop at the start of every game just because you wanted his gun, didn’t you?  Well, now you’re paying for that.  Sure, that game wouldn’t be any fun if you never stole, and followed all of the traffic laws, but your immortal soul doesn’t have a reset button!

You should have listened to Jack Thompson, who is no doubt up in Paradise with Kirk Cameron having a big laugh at your misfortune.


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