Turn off the Lights

Hardboiled DLC for LA Noire

Detective Chuck “Knuckles” Battersby awoke face-down on the floor of his office.  A bottle of gin and a broken Xbox controller were next to him, lying motionless like a pair of cheap whores.  He’d passed out after two weeks trying to unlock every achievement in Rockstar Games' LA Noire.  His hangover was the toll to pay for too many nights spent on the case instead of in bed where any smart fella would be at four am on a Monday.  But he’d done it.  Solved every case the scofflaws of virtual LA could throw at him, and handed a beatdown to every mug that had it comin’.  Finally he could turn off the Xbox and get some sleep.

That’s when she walked into his office.  The dame was bad news.  Knuckles Battersby had never met a dame who wasn’t bad news, but this one wore trouble like perfume, he could smell it on her before she even entered the room, and he knew he would be in trouble long after she was gone.  Her name was Dahlia L Cain, but her monogrammed bag just read “DLC”.

He could tell that DLC was going to cost him.  Both his time and his money.  She was irresistible.  She was mysterious.  And worst of all, she made it sound like she was doing him a favor by letting him pay to take on her cases.

DLC had four new cases for him.  She’d let him have them for just four dollars each. Two of them were ready to investigate now, “The Naked City” and “A Slip of the Tongue”.  But Knuckles would have to wait until June 21st before he could try to solve the mysteries of “Nicholson Electroplating” and “Reefer Madness”.

DLC also had a pair of new suits for him.  A buck or two for a suit wasn’t so bad, but he had plenty of suits already.  Still, DLC wouldn’t take no for an answer.  She offered him everything she had if he’d just pay ten dollars up front.  He’d learned the hard way to never trust a dame who sells herself for ten bucks, but he couldn’t resist.  Four new cases for LA Noire, plus two new suits for ten dollars?  No man could say no to that.

He handed over the money and watched her walk out of his office, but Chuck “Knuckles” Battersby knew he’d be seeing DLC again.  Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of his life.

Knuckles fired up his Xbox again.  It was going to be a long night.  He grabbed the cup of coffee he’d left out the night before.  It had too much milk, no sugar, and spent the night next to an open window.  Cold, pale and bitter.  Just like that dame


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