Pitch Session! – Batman
Come with us as we pitch some of comics biggest events and not so big events to your favorite editors, writers and artist in comics past, present and future. Image what it was like to sit down and pitch the death of Batman and everything that followed. This pitch session we meet with Dan Didio EIC of DC Comics and take you on a journey of that faithful day when we planned to killed Batman!
Meet the cast:Kevin
Kevin and Dustin sit patiently inside of Dan Didio's office.Kevin:
Man, we've been waiting in his office for a while.Dustin:
I know, I already went through his drawers twice. Stick of gum?Kevin:
No thanks, you think he's going to do this?Dustin:
Dude, were going to kill Batman. Batman sells a ton of books and a dead Batman... what's more than a ton?
The door opens and Dan Didio enters.Dan:
Fellas, what you got for me?
Dan lights up a Cuban cigar that's dangling from his mouth.Kevin:
Dan, you might want to sit down. This is big and I know you got that bum knee.
Dan sits down behind his desk.Dan:
We kill Batman.Kevin:
Bruce Wayne too.
Dan pauses for a moment.Dan:
Okay, why would we do this?Kevin:
Well remember when we broke his back?Dan:
Well he's going to need a permanent replacement.Dan:
Alright, well what are you going to call it?Kevin:
Batman's got a crisis?Dustin:
Hmm, 99.99% of me wants to say yes to anything with Crisis in the title, but I can't. Otherwise, you'll find out how I got this bum knee.
Dan points to a beautifully painted rendition of the Warner Brother's water tower hanging on his wall.Dan:
I still don't see why we'd do this.Kevin:
We're going to have Grant write it.Dustin:
Green light it!Dustin:
We're going to start it in Batman and call it R.I.P.Dan:
You don't think readers will figure it out?Dustin:
Grants going to do it in Final Crisis.Dan:
Ew, not even in his own book. Dirty pool!Kevin:
And it's going to be JUST five issues after he kills Martian Manhunter.Dan:
Can we trim his death so it doesn't over power Batman's to just a few pages?Kevin:
A few panels, you got it!Dan:
Wait! What does R.I.P. stand for?Kevin:
Really Inappropriate Pacing.Dan:
I love it. So how's he get it?
Dan makes a finger gun and shoots the side of his head.Dustin:
Laser beams and death equation.
Dan is silent again.Kevin:
Omega beams and anti-life equation?Dan:
Now I'm listening. So the beams they kill him?Dustin:
They transport him back to the past.Dan:
First we let him lay low for a bit while we flip Gotham on its head.Dan:
Who gon' be Batman?Dustin:
How do you write Outsiders with such poor grammar?Dan:
I don't write Outsiders.Kevin:
Really? You should. You'd kill on that shit.Dustin:
Here's the best part, nobody knows who's going to be Batman.Dan:
They'd have to battle for the cowl or something.Dustin and Kevin:
Dustin and Kevin both put their fingers on their nose and point at Dan.
Dan claps his hands.Dustin:
We'll do a mini, waste everyone's money because everyone will know that it's going to be Dick the whole time.Dan:
Dan, Dan, Dan. Who else did you think it was going to be? Spoiler? We've got plans for her.Dan:
But, what about my Baby Bruce? I want my baby back, baby back!Kevin:
He's off fighting dinosaurs and shit.Dan:
Dan you gotta stop talking like a 16 year old girl.Dan:
Dan spins in his chair once.Dan:
Dustin and Kevin look at each other.Kevin:
Dan, caveman... Vandal Savage.Dan:
Pilgrim... Starro thingy!Kevin:
Cowboy... Jonah Hex. Are you getting this Dan? Their cameos.Dan:
Well who's looking for Bruce! It better be his best friend Rip Hunter.
The room goes silent for a moment.Dan:
Booster Gold too.
The room remains silent.Dan:
And you better throw Green Lantern in there too! I want someone to buy one of these books!Dustin:
Love it! Put them all in that fishbowl Rips got.Kevin:
It'll be just like Perfect Strangers.Dan:
I don't know what that is, but were doing that too!
Dan claps again.Dan:
So what happens when he makes it back to his time?Dustin:
We put him in ice water because he's blowing through time and then Tim gives him his cape and tells him Gotham needs him.
Dan wipes a tear from his eye.Dan:
Then what happens? Two Batmans?Dustin:
No, no, not yet. First we hold auditions to work with Batman and milk another mini-series.Kevin:
After that we take what makes Batman special and just smear it all over the world.Dan:
Oh, a Batman Gang! What do they call it when it's a legitimate business?Kevin:
No! Batman Inc.Dan:
I like that better.
Dan cracks his knuckles and stands up out of his chair.Dan:
Well boys let's go make some funny bat books!
Jim Lee runs into the room and everyone jumps up in the air and high-fives!
Editors Note: We really didn't have this conversation with Dan. This was supposed to evoke the feelings that Batman R.I.P, Final Crisis, Battle for the Cowl, The Return of Bruce Wayne, The Road Home and Batman Inc. bring out in fans as they read these big events. In other words, it's satire.