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Dear Subject Name Here,
Aperture Science is pleased to inform you that we have partnered with Valve to announce the gala CANCELLATION of the June 14 Portal 2 event at the Regal Theater. The event will be replaced by a surprise. And even though the cancellation of the event certainly counts as a surprise, we are pleased to further announce that the cancellation of the event is not THE surprise. However, per International treaties regarding the definition of the word "surprise", of which both Aperture Science and Valve are signatories, the time, date and content of the actual surprise will only become available as you experience the surprise.
If you'd like to ask fruitless questions about the E3 Portal 2 surprise or, more fruitfully, schedule an appointment to attend a Portal 2 screening at the Valve booth during E3, please contact Valve's Special Envoy to Surprises, Doug Lombardi.
Thank you for <
PS: The surprising record scratch is also not the surprise."
No preposterous. Not possible.
BUT PLEASE LET IT BE SO.
We all know that Portal is part of Half-Life canon, so it's only appropriate that Episode Three's reveal finally occur, right? Right?
For all I know, this could all fall apart and wind up being Left 4 Dead 3, which would test even the most ardent Valve fan, but I can and will hope that finally, after all these years, that Episode Three will happen. People, clasp your hands, close your eyes and pray. This will happen.