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Ten Deadliest Video Game Lolitas

These girls may look like they’re made of sugar and spice, but they’re actually made of suppressed rage and hot lead.  Decades ago, the idea of a violent young woman struck pure terror in the hearts of our sexist forefathers, but now-a-days, deadly teen girls are a symbol of girl-power coolness, and cliché-subverting action-comedy.  They also provide gamers a chance to see which video game developers employ lots of creepy old perverts in their art department.


from Dead or Alive is one of the most unabashed examples of the sexy killer schoolgirl cliche. She’s a teenaged ninja whose alternate outfits include school uniforms and sailor dresses, plus she sports the obligatory giant hooters that come with EVERY female character in games developed by Team Ninja.  With her nimble ninjitsu skills, and endless wardrobe of inappropriate outfits, she definitely belongs on this list, even if she rarely kills anyone.


Capcom’s 2-D fighting games are filled with cute-yet-violent teen girls, but the one who kicks the most butt is Sakura from Street Fighter.  Don’t be fooled by her courteous manner and adorable sailor outfit, Sakura is just as brutal as Ryu, Ken and Akuma with her mastery of martial arts, and she can dragon punch with the best of them.


The Hunter The Reckoning action RPG series had four playable characters to choose from in the first two games.  Eventually a fifth character was added: a busty 18-year-old raver girl in a corset and miniskirt.  Armed with Pigtails, cleavage and a shotgun, Kaylie Winters slaughtered the undead while offering up a heaping dose of fan service.


Buffy The Vampire Slayer can probably take credit for making bad-ass, ditzy cheerleaders a form of feminist empowerment.  Starting as a movie, then becoming a TV show, Buffy also was adapted into a couple of games for last gen consoles.  Complete with a cheerleader uniform, Buffy pounded the undead senseless through two games.  Best of all, enemies could only be killed with a stake, so players could make Buffy hammer away at the vamps endlessly, until finally putting them out of their misery with a stake.


We could make a whole list just using characters from Capcom fighting games, so we’ll just limit it to the deadliest and cutest of the lot.  The best example of them all is BB Hood from the Darkstalkers franchise.  Based on Little Red Riding Hood, she may look like she’s bringing a basket of goodies to grandma’s house, but this girl’s basket is filled with lethal ordinance, and she’s on her way to gun down some monsters.


Bad Girl from No More Heroes furthers asks the question: "Who says that the Wii is just for kids"?  This game has a 23-year-old woman dressed like a pre-schooler, who murders leathermen with a baseball bat!  Despite the silly outfit, and poor choice of footwear, Bad Girl proves to be a dangerous opponent who can use her apparent innocence to lure the player into a deadly trap.  When she starts crying… stay away from her!

The whole cast of Deathsmiles.  This side-scrolling game has “Death” in the title, and all of the playable characters are girls ranging between 17 and eleven, who are dressed up as nurses, maids, and fairy dominatrix things.  It was a competent shoot-em-up, but the exploitative art style, made it a bit creepy, especially when you factor in the promotional minigame that challenged players to blow off the characters’ skirts revealing their panties.  Don’t get me started on the symbolism of the giant cyclops with a huge horn sprouting out of his head…

Liara T’Soni
of Mass Effect might be 106 years old, but in terms of her long-lived race, she’s a barely-legal Maiden.  Belonging to a species of blue, bi-sexual space nymphos, Liara is ripe for seduction regardless of which gender Players have chosen for their player character.  But aside from adding in the best possible romantic subplot of the game, Liara is also the most-powerful telekinetic in the game, able to crush enemies with her brain.


Alma Wade from F.E.A.R.  The first game in this series of horror/shooters has the player fighting an army of heavily-armed goons, but what really scared the crap out of hardcore gamers were the occasional appearances of this creepy little girl.  Always showing up just out of reach, Alma would appear to torment the player with horrific visions, and near-fatal psychic assaults, steadily growing in power until, in the soon-to-be-released F.E.A.R. 3 she becomes an unstoppable force of pychic terror.  While she is a mass-murderess who has killed her way through three games, and several expansion packs, Alma isn’t quite adorable enough to take the top spot on our list.

By far the deadliest (And cutest) gaming lolita is Alice from American McGee’s Alice.  Everyone is mad here, but this interpretation of Lewis Carroll’s adventurous little girl has had a complete psychotic break.  This version of Alice runs around a warped version of wonderland, murdering things with a butcher knife, and an arsenal of deadly toys.  The upcoming sequel gives her a new stash of weapons, and an extensive wardrobe of pretty outfits too.  Still, no matter how cute she is, she will still stab your eye out if you look at her wrong during a tea party!



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