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The 1st Annual Academy Aweirds

Outrage and potential scandal at the AMPAS! In a bizarre and controversial role, president of The Academy Tom Sherak declared that he was “unsatisfied and bored” with all the nominees for this year’s Oscars. Despite being 64 years old himself, Sherak declared to the Academy members an emergency assembly this past Thursday that he was “tired of you old coots stinking up the place with Aqua Velva and denture cream” and that “they should let their freak flag’s fly.” With a deranged expression on his face, spittle misting the aghast press, he asserted that all the current nominees in all categories would become inelligible for further contention.

Following a barrage of protest, camera flashes and a light lunch, a frantic re-poll and tally of votes took place and a new list of nominees was formed. Members scrambled to find the most elitist fare that would qualify though due to the ensuing chaos and rash choices by panicked voters, an insider reports that The Tourist came dangerously close to breaking the Best Picture top ten. Sherak concluded the proceedings by naming Ricky Gervais the new host of this Sunday’s festivities. Here is a leaked list of some of the most prestigious of the newly crafted categories for Oscar gold.

Best Picture
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
The Ghost Writer
The Town
Rabbit Hole
Blue Valentine
Shutter Island
Another Year
How to Train Your Dragon
Scott Pilgrim Vs the World

 The likely winner: Blue Valentine


Best Director
Roman Polanski; The Ghost Writer
Ben Affleck; The Town
Christopher Nolan; Inception
Derek Cianfrance; Blue Valentine
Mike Leigh; Another Year

The likely winner: Derek Cianfrance; Blue Valentine


Best Actress
Emma Stone; Easy A
Chloe Grace Moretz; Kick-Ass
Anna Hathaway; Love and Other Drugs
Noomi Rapace; The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
Haliee Steinfeld; True Grit

The likely winner: Haliee Steinfeld; True Grit


Best Actor
Ryan Reynolds; Buried
Sam Rockwell; Conviction
Jim Carrey; I Love You, Phillip Morris
Ryan Gosling; Blue Valentine
Mark Wahlberg; The Fighter

 The likely winner: Ryan Gosling; Blue Valentine


Best Supporting Actor
Kieran Culkin; Scott Pilgrim Vs The World
Ewan McGregor; I Love You, Phillip Morris
Michael Shannon; The Runaways
Andrew Garfield; The Social Network
Justin Timberlake; The Social Network

The likely winner: Andrew Garfield; The Social Network


Best Supporting Actress
Olivia Williams; The Ghost Writer
Julianne Moore; The Kids Are All Right
Mila Kunis; Black Swan
Marion Cotillard; Inception
Barbara Hershey; Black Swan

The likely winner: Julianne Moore; The Kids Are All Right


Best Original Screenplay
Roman Polanski; The Ghost Writer
Buried; Chris Sparling
Ben Affleck; The Town
Derek Cianfrance; Blue Valentine                 
Mark Heyman; Black Swan

The likely winner: Derek Cianfrance; Blue Valentine           


Best Adapted Screenplay
Let Me In; Matt Reeves
Scott Pilgrim Vs the World; Michael Bacall
I Love You, Phillip Morris; John Requa, Glenn Ficarra
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I; Steve Kloves
How to Train Your Dragon; William Dayies

The likely winner: How to Train Your Dragon; William Dayies


Best Visual Effects
Scott Pilgrim vs. The World
TRON: Legacy
The A-Team

The likely winner: TRON: Legacy


Best Animated Film
Despicable Me

The likely winner: Tangled


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