As all the marketing and press releases from Marvel have been hinting, the X-Men are taking on Dracula and his legion of followers. The Curse of the Mutants storyline kicks off with this brand new first issue and it's sure to revert back to its original numbering in a year or two. Our story begins with Pixie and a still depowered Jubilee getting some cocoa together. Even though it's been almost five years Jub's is still adjusting to not having any powers. Then a vampire strolls up wearing a gimp outfit and explodes on a crowd of people, which then infects all of those people with the Vampire virus. Pixie thankfully went for nachos and missed being exposed. Jubilee on the other hand caught some of the action.
The X-Doctor's check Jubilee out and sure enough, she's going to turn into a blood sucker. Cyclops sends Wolverine out to investigate the scene after the two discuss how many bones he should break. It's interesting that after so many years of trying to get Wolverine to not kill people, they've moved on to giving him a quota. Wolvie, Angel and Pixie check out the scene of the crime. God only knows why Pixie's there, I think there's an unwritten rule that Wolverine needs to be around a teenage girl that questions everything he does and gets herself in trouble. At any rate, they find a Vampire hold out and hand them their asses. Wolverine takes the head off of one Vamp after she conveniently spills the beans about Dracula being back.
No truer words have been uttered from Cyclops's mouth than, "We've got a Dracula problem." I'm not sure what writer Victor Gischler was thinking ending the issue with that bit of dialog, but it moved the story into B-Movie territory. In fact, that's the biggest problem with the entire issue... the dialog. Everyone talks like exaggerated versions of themselves. The Vampires are just as bad as you'd think, having no personality other than "we suck blood" and "humans are so pathetic". It's almost as Gischler saw the dead horse lying in the road and could help but go over to it and give it a few good kicks.
This book is strange in the sense that it doesn't feel like a number one issue, nor does it feel like an X-Men book. There's no sense of the team, it doesn't establish what's going on with Mutants as a whole and fails to explain anything about the Vampire's plans. It really reads like a bunch of scenes thrown together with some vague connection. It also confuses the time line. Jubilee's been a part of the New Warriors and seemingly moved on with her life after being depowered. Hell, she even worked for an out-reach group to help other depowered mutants. Yet here she is talking to Pixie (indecently what history do these two have together that makes them friends suddenly?) and feeling woe-is-me about her powers. At what point do you get over not being able to shoot firecrackers from your hands? I would give it a day tops! Someone just needs to buy her a sparkler so she can move on!
If you're digging what Marvel's been doing with the X-Men ever since Grant Morrison set them upon the path of destruction, then you'll probably be perfectly happy with this issue. If you're like me and still waiting for them to introduce Mutant threats for the X-Men to fight rather than a bunch of B-List villains and cross-overs... well then you're waiting, just like me. On the plus side the art was really good!
Story – 4.0
Plot – 3.0
Art – 8.0
Overall – 5.0
I wish the X-Men would just win the World Series already so they could break their curse, because I'm tired of this crap. Follow Dustin on Twitter and leave your guess on which X-Men will become a Vamp next.
