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The Comedy Title DC Comics Needs

DC Comics, like pretty much all comics, has a history of comedy titles. Recent attempts have been hit or miss. There was Dial H, which was alright, and, like, that new Bizzaro comic. At a time when comedy books are selling like no one's business, it's weird that they're not trying something better. Something new. Don't worry DC, I've got you. There's been a title, a famous title (READ: BRAND RECOGNITION), that has been going unused for years. One that absolutely, 100% lends itself to comedy. This one: jimmyolsenkillsaquaman A product of the Silver Age, Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen was bonkers. It was bonkers all the time. With virtually no internal drive or interesting intrinsic set up, the only thing the writers had left to do was concoct a never ending stream of ridiculous situations. The covers, as you've probably seen, are just as weird. The main selling point, it seems, is the sheer baffling nature of them. Why would any of this happen? What kind of convoluted, brightly colored carnival of nightmares is Jimmy's life? Also, how shitty is Superman? He's a real dick in most of them and I think it's awesome. I mean, I like Superman as much as most people, probably more than most people seeing how "boring" everyone finds him, but I love seeing his antics through the eyes of someone else. Especially young, impressionable Jimmy Olsen. Jungle-Jimmy So, DC, all you need to do is bring this madness back, BUT THIS TIME let's do it bigger. Crazier. With triple the weird factor in regards to the covers. Tongue in cheek, a perfect opportunity to lampoon the current events in DC. Kind of like what you tried to do with the Harley Quinn comic, but I don't know, good? So what? You need some examples? No worries, DC, I got you. Jimmy's new girlfriend is a future Mobius Chair. Jimmy tries a new Whole Foods, but gets turned into a gorilla. Jimmy gets a cat for his apartment but it turns out to actually be Satan. Jimmy becomes the living embodiment of sass and Superman has to slap it out of him. Crisis on Infinite Jimmies. Jimmy tries to pick up a new skill at the local trade school and becomes a gorilla. Jimmy gets rebooted to be closer to his cinematic counterpart and is shot in the head (not before becoming a gorilla). Jimmy discovers Superman's secret barbecue sauce and it causes a rift in their friendship. Jimmy's new smartphone is Brainiac, which has dire consequences for his Tinder use. Jimmy falls for an email scam (that's it, there's no crazy twist, unless you count the lack of a twist as a twist). In a fit of rage Jimmy calls Superman's red outerpants "The Fortress of Smallitude," which only deepens the rift in their relationship. Jimmy falls for another girl, but nope, it's that chair again. Jimmy and Superman are forced to compete against each other on a cosmic cooking show and the surprise ingredient is boiling magma. An ancient artifact turns Jimmy into a living awkward moment. An ancient artifact turns Jimmy into one hundred tiny Tony Danzas. An ancient artifact turns Jimmy into a spaceship. An ancient artifact turns Jimmy into a zoo for the elderly. An ancient artifact turns Jimmy into the Edmund Fitzgerald. An ancient artifact turns Jimmy into an older, creepier Jimmy. An ancient artifact turns Jimmy into a turtle in a pair of slacks. Jimmy goes back in times and, due to a typo, kills baby Hittler. Everyone forgets Jimmy's birthday so he begins setting fires. Jimmy and his friends make a bet about how long they can go without masturbating. Jimmy starts at a new gym and really defines his abs... just kidding, he becomes a gorilla. gorilla-jimmy Every second this isn't on the shelves is another opportunity missed. It's a real travesty this hasn't been tried already. In a time where everything gets brought back, you'd think this would be a no brainer. What Jimmy situations can you think of? Let me know in the comments below.


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