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Four Horrible Star Wars Comic Book Contributions

Star Wars comics have been a thing since, well, Star Wars. For years they were a look into the future of the franchise, meticulously building what would come to be known as The Extended Universe. Disney then bought the franchise and went "meh" on the whole thing and scrapped that universe. They've now replaced it with their own line of comics that are totally not a cash grab. Isn't that right, Chewbacca comic?! Still, like all that grape juice you spilled on grandma's carpet, the comic's mistakes aren't coming out. Even to this day, the constant effort to add to the Star Wars universe has rendered some pretty awesome misfires. Luckily for all of you, I've collected four of the best ones here:

The Light Whip

lightwhip Is a lightwhip a cool weapon? Because a lighsaber -- a sword made of energy that cuts through everything -- is a crazy cool weapon. Maybe one of the coolest. But is a whip really made better by involving lightsaber.... stuff? I mean, look at the photo above, which honestly looks cooler? It doesn't even sound very practical. A lot of people give the lightsaber grief for being inherently dangerous, but what about A WHIP THAT CUTS THROUGH ANYTHING. Flailing about, whipping around your body all the time. That's just asking for trouble.


Jaxxon Yep! A green rabbit, who isn't a rodent with poor grammar. Are rodents a thing in the Star Wars Universe? Jaxxon starts a group of mercenaries called The Star-Hoppers of Aduba-3 (because he's a rabbit). He's a fast-talking quipping spacer who talks about space-carrots (really) and does missions with Han Solo every now and again. He was created as an homage to Bug's Bunny, a way to honor the past. It seems like they kinda shot themselves in the foot. Jaxxon, cruising around on his ship The Rabbit's Foot (BECAUSE HE'S A RABBIT), is more or less considered a blight on the entire Expanded Universe. Instead of an endearing, comedic character, it looks like they created some kind of abomination, a cultural abortion that has no real home or niche. [caption id="attachment_81763" align="aligncenter" width="466"]Jaxxon6 Christ[/caption]

Boba Fett Falls in the Sarlacc Pit... Again

sarlacc So in the comic arc Jawas of Doom, Boba Fett-- whoa, wait. Is that the story's real name? Holy crap, it is. Man that's dumb. Is this franchise really for kids? Anyway, Boba Fetts escapes the Sarlacc Pit, goes to kill Han Solo, and falls into the... sarlacc pit... again. Really? I'm trying really hard to like this character guys, but you're making it real hard.

Commander Karbin

karbin Imagine Admiral Ackbar, the Mon Calamari who dabbles in pointing out traps. Now imagine General Grevious, the cyborg murder machine with a bad cough and an even worse Russian accent. NOW PUT THEM TOGETHER. Look at his bulbous head and spindly little arms. karbin-2 Aw man, he's adorable! Look at his little frown in that second panel! He's so mawed. He's a bad guy too, one that challenges Vader. I think-- I think he's supposed to be intimidating? Clearly, he's not, with his aforementioned tiny arms, derpy eye, and big cartoon frown. Though, this may all be a trap, because my feeling couldn't stand hilarity of that magnitude and now he'll forever occupy the Outer Rim of my heart. Karbin-3 Well those are four horrible things the Star Wars comics have done to Star Wars. Did I miss anything? Let me know in the comments below!


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