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Knowing Mr. James Cameron and his often compulsive eye for detail, we can certainly expect an all-encompassing 3D conversion of 1997 classic Titanic, due in theaters today.
I mean, sure, everybody has been waiting 15 years to be wacked in the face by Kathy Bates’ frilly hat, to practically feel the scruff of Captain Smith’s beard and re-live in vivid detail Kate Winslet’s incredibly unsuccessful suicide attempt, but let’s just pick five. Bon Voyage.
5. The Expedition
The Titanic may have began its life above water, but this modern retelling of the ill-fated vessel did not. Titanic opens with Bill Paxton’s Brock Lovett searching for the lost diamond “Heart of the Ocean” in the eerie wreck of the “unsinkable” ship, and the already stunning footage could use an extra-dimensional boost. Cameron has plenty of experience shooting underwater scenes in 3D having produced Sanctum last year as well as directing the 2003 documentary Ghosts of the Abyss. It’s not often a sequence from a 2D film is so well-suited for an upgrade, so take advantage and let’s see some 3D plankton!
4. Leo’s Swan Song
Now I know what you’re thinking: normally 3D is utilized to bring things forward and seemingly pop right in your face, but I see no reason why the extra dimension couldn’t be used to enhance a departing shot (specifically, the final push of Leonardo DiCaprio’s frozen corpse by that door-hogging harlot Rose). Plus, all the CG frozen breath blown right at you will truly make you believe that you are pretending to drown in a heated pool fighting for your life in the chilling void of the North Atlantic. Oh, and spoiler.
3. The Titanic's Last Hurrah
The great ship is half submerged, the stern jutting upwards into the starry sky, the fore portals cast an unearthly underwater glow, never to rise again. Suddenly, with a crack like thunder, the aft section of the Titanic shears off, plunging back onto the surface. As the water floods into the gaping divide, the rear tilts upwards for the final time. Such is the setup to the scene in which Rose and Jack cling for dear life to the stern rails as the Titanic rockets towards the abyss like a rock. 3D would most certainly enhance the experience, like an IMAX virtual roller coaster at Disney Land, except instead when this ride ends you end up a salty popsicle and not munching on a snow cone.
2. Billy Zane Going Nuts
I know he stole your gal, Cal, but running around the half-flooded bowels of the Titanic with a gun while the already-scarce lifeboats abandon ship seems like an ill-advised use of your time. I think the iceberg took care of the problem for you. A rather goofy scene at the most emotionally impacting segment of the film, Billy Zane nevertheless does a great deranged “crazy face” and should no very well in 3D. Let’s see those veins pop!
1. Kate Winslet’s Breasts
Did you think number one would be anything else? This titillating scene is among (if not the) most famous scenes of the entire film and considering those puppies are on screen for about three seconds total (in an epic that breaches three-hours), Ms. Winslet should take that as an enormous compliment. Breast lifts and Wonderbras are the way to go in real life, but when we’re talking about the silver screen, only 3D can reverse the signs of age. As for old Rose, we may need an extra few dimensions to remedy that situation.