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Three Ways to Bring Back Wolverine

I hate to interrupt your mourning, really, I know this has been tough on everyone. Wolverine... has passed. We can't change that. What's passed has passed. They've said on numerous occasions that he's not coming back. All we can do now is look to the future. And luckily for us this is comics, so the future most certainly includes Wolverine coming back. How could Marvel do this? Man, I don't know, I haven't been a psychic for years! Tell ya what though, I can guess. And guess I will. Here are threes way I suggest they go about it (SPOILERS BELOW, X-FANS!): [caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="334"] You shouldn't have fallen asleep in that skeleton's arms, man, that was your first mistake[/caption]

Statue Wolverine Joins the X-Men

So Wolverine dies after being covered in molten adamantium. He kneels in front of the rising sun and dies with a permanent smile on his face. It's pretty much the way everyone thought he was going to go out. It seems like they've pretty much made it so you can't continue Wolverine's story, right? WRONG! You know what article you're reading, right? Listen. If you thought three adamantium claws were awesome, an entire man coated in it is, like, four or five times cooler. It's the futuristic terror of a T-1000 without that distracting maneuverability or even basic mobility getting in the way. It's a statue. And a statue with a corpse inside it, no less.  That's as gritty and edgy and dark as statues get. Maybe not those weird statues in Russia with like giant Stalins and monster babies, but for comic book statues, yes, it's super edgy! So it's pretty obvious that the X-Men find the Wolverine statue -- Statuine -- and recruit him into the X-Men. He's their old friend, after all. They helped him when he became a noseless, feral monster, so I'm sure they'd help him as a statue. [caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="463"] I was not joking[/caption] There are tons of things Statuine can do. Come on, he's basically indestructible! You drop him from the Black Bird and you got yourself a reusable kinetic bomb. Not so smug now are you, Toad? Need a shield? He's got you covered! Much like the adamantium that has now covered their old friend in an eternal tomb.  Need something to jam open a door? He's all over it! Again, much like the adamantium that is now all over their friend for years to come. Sure, you wouldn't want to bring him out against Magneto, but you can't fight them all. He can be stored wherever they keep the members of the team they can't find a good use for. I'm sure Jubilee or Cypher will be able to show him. However, don't let that turn you off. He's useful more often than not. I don't what form Mystique takes, she gets hit with a flying adamantium statue and she's dead. For a few years at least.

So Many Clones You Guys

If you don't think Beast has a clone of everyone, you're just the worst kind of person. That man has messed with the fabric of time and space for vaguer reasons than most college kids use to justify skipping class. He's done so many morally gray experiments, I'm not even sure he and Mister Sinister are different people. I've never seen them in the same room together, have you? [caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="300"] And that time he hid out as a lady? Genius.[/caption] Anyway, yes, he's cloned Wolverine. Maybe more than once. Maybe he has many clones that must now deal with Wolverine's legacy. Some turn to darkness, some try to pick up where Logan left off. Many take up a version of Wolverine in order to dispense justice as they see fit. Oh man, and what if Logan came back! And what if it seemed like he was the clone for a bit! What a saga that'd be. But that's just Beast, you guys. There's probably, I don't know, dozens of people out there cloning Wolverine. He leaves his blood everywhere. Absolutely careless with it. You don't think the Canadians are cloning him? Please. Look at yourself. Of course they're cloning him, he's the best thing they've produced since maple syrup. The only thing that was standing in their way was the actual, original Wolverine. Now that he's a decoration, they can finally get an Alpha Flight team comprised solely of Wolverines. Goodbye Puck, you're out of a job! SHIELD will roll out their Agent X, a replaceable, disposable agent with bone claws and taste for red heads. Don't forget the Shi'ar's new warrior, a brash, hairy, be-mohawked powerhouse with bone claws and a taste for red heads. Plus there's Mister Sinister's small army of Wolverine clones who look suspiciously similar to Beast's Wolverine clones... I'm on to him. [caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="311"] Hiding out as a lady and making out with Wolverine's son, huh? Predictable.[/caption]

One More One More Day

If there's one thing Mephistopheles loves more than the concept of marriage, it's retconning. He brought Spider-Man back to the status quo and all it took was his marriage and the dissatisfaction of thousands of fans! If you don't think he wouldn't strike a deal with Wolverine himself to retcon his whole death, then you are completely mistaken. And you've got baby hands. Marvel has always been vague about their universe's afterlife. What we do know is that there seem to be multiple, and where you go might depend on what you believe in. Nightcrawler went to some kind of Christian heaven, Dark Elves go to Hel, and Uncle Ben is stuck constantly leaping into people's bodies from all around time and space. So maybe Wolverine is in his own afterlife, chuggin' bears, killing ninjas, and mackin' on white-hot red heads. Or he could be in Hell. I mean he did spend most of two centuries killing people. He was also born in, and lived through, times that were heavy on Christian teachings. He also often acknowledged what he did was bad and wrong, but it was just what he was good at. So maybe he believed in Hell enough to wind up there. [caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="554"] Oh it's happened once already? Oh. Ohhh.[/caption] In that case, Mephistopheles could find him and offer him a deal, a deal to get him out of Hell and everything back to normal. What would he want from Wolverine? I don't know. Wolverine doesn't usually have stable relationships, and the ones that are always end in her dying. Well the unstable ones too. Women just die around him. Perhaps he can trade his relationship with his friends? Maybe he can bargain his love for the word "bub"? The memories of his past life? His tense bromance with Sabertooth? Regardless, the most important part, is that it has to be kind of arbitrary and metaphysical of some kind. If it's frustrating, even better. So now, not only do we get Wolverine back, but we can also take back Cyclops killing Professor X and the whole broken powers thing! Bam! Now we have it right where we like it. Xavier's calling the shots, Wolverine and Cyclops exchange jabs, and Jubilee catches up on her shows on Netflix. Perfection. There may be many ways Wolverine could come back, but this is by far my favorite.


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