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Welcome to the second installment in our series of Shooters You Should Play Instead of Battlefield 3. To catch the first part, click here.
Why play Battlefield
3 when you can play Halo Reach? Why kill innocent human beings who happen to
be shooting back at you when you can teabag kill bloodthirsty and
ruthless aliens and save the planet…all while looking badass…IN THE
Everyone tells me,
“Justin, the children are our future.”
Oh yeah? Well, Halo:
Reach is your chance to save
your very own children…in about 50 generations. Besides, when your mother walks by and sees you saving the
human race in that sexy spacesuit, she’ll be proud of you. Killing terrorists? That’s so retro.
However, the goal of
playing video games isn’t to make your parents proud, it’s to earn cosmetic
enhancements that make you look cooler while doing so. There is no better game on the market
in which to achieve this goal than Halo: Reach.
Why would you want to have an unfair advantage in online multiplayer
when you can instead look like this?
Look at all those superficial bells and whistles!
You might want to
argue that Halo: Reach is
antiquated. The multiplayer modes
for all intents and purposes are the same as ODST, and for god’s sake, it still doesn’t have
iron sights. Well, you know
what? Halo: Reach doesn’t need iron sights. The weapons are made
out of some futuristic metal you’ve never heard of, and they’re so accurate
that something as primitive as looking down the barrel of your gun makes people
in the future look like that Neanderthal from the Geico commercials. Besides, everyone knows that firing
from your hip is cooler.
Another reason why
you should play Halo: Reach
instead of Battlefield 3 is
that it has all the quality of the Halo series, but without Master Chief. Instead, you get to play as an even more nondescript
super-soldier in a spacesuit. To make
it yet more cool, Bungie designed him for maximum efficiency so that he doesn’t
even have a name, just a number.
Isn’t it much easier just to say “6” than “John-117” anyway? That’s like, 4 more syllables. And finally, I’m pretty sick of Cortana
calling me “Chief.” If I wanted to
be called that 500 times a day, I’d audition for The Jersey Shore, or maybe a fireman porno.
On a more serious
note, Halo: Reach has what
many modern military shooters lack: a story that actually matters and fits in
with the other games in the series.
Hell, it’s a prequel, which everyone knows is less of a sellout than a
sequel. Yeah, in Battlefield 3 you probably save the world or something, but
in Halo: Reach, you don’t
win, you actually lose.
[Ten year old
The planet Reach
gets blown to bits by the Covenant, and everyone you fight with dies, including
you. Even if I just ruined the
entire story for you, Halo: Reach
is still a much better way to spend your precious time than another “been
there, done that” modern military shooter like Battlefield 3.
Read the next installment in theis series, Counter Strike, then check back with us every day until Battlefield’s launch for another shooter you should play instead of Battlefield 3.